Wednesday, August 20, 2008

If Only

If only my last post was regarding something exciting, as Ali suggested in the comments.

That song, or more the lyrics to that song are what made me realize that maybe what I was feeling was more than your average postpartum depression several months after E3 was born...

There’s an emptiness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
Yeah. So.
My sister Amy was moved to a nursing home this week.
And that sentence does not even come close to covering things. It wasn't nearly as simple as those eleven words. It was...oh, 'complicated' doesn't really say it right...neither does 'confusing'... I think 'fugly' is the word I'm looking for...can I say fugly on the Internet?
ALS sucks.
Plus, as a bonus, E1's BFF may be moving in the next year or so. And by 'may' I mean it's almost certain because I spoke with her mom tonight and she said one, maybe two years tops.
E1's cried a lot in recent days.
Oh, and school started Tuesday.
As I tried to will myself to sleep the other night, using all my mental stress-reduction tricks to attempt to turn off my brain, the words to Grey street floated right though - my brain's way of mocking me perhaps?
I saw today that DMB's sax player LeRoi Moore passed away.
It's a great tune even though the lyrics are, well...grey.


Glenda said...

Aw, crap, Nancy. I think "fugly" is likely an understatement. I so wish I could take away the pain ALS is causing Amy and all of your family -- I so wish I could take away the ALS. ALS sucks.

And it sucks when BFFs move away, whether it's today or a year from now or two years from now. At least these days kids can stay in touch via IM and can see each other by using webcams. But still, it sucks to know the move will probably happen.

Hugs, my friend.

carrie said...

That song always strikes a chord with me . . . always. Here I thought I was the only one.

Hoping for better days.

Heather said...

That sucks, Nancy. I'm up here praying for you and the family. Wishing you brighter days and weeks ahead.

Lisa said...

Words like "fugly","heartbreaking" and "anguish" come to mind. I can't stop thinking about her and you guys and Nelson and Fletcher. Many tears have been shed at our house too.

Ordered something from Amazon to send to her. Something funny, I hope she'll laugh at. Am waiting, waiting, waiting to get it. Hopefully by Tues-Wed at latest.

Ali said...

Oh, dear. I wasn't paying attention to the lyrics because I was too busy trying to figure out who it was, plus I misinterpreted your post title. Which makes me a total dolt, ah well.

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with Amy, Nelson, and Fletcher, and the rest of your family as you transition to this new phase. Fugly is as good a word as any to describe the heartbreak you all must be experiencing right now.